LIFE OF PREBEN JØRGENSEN - PART VII - FINAL YEARS

Our last post described Preben's activities during roughly the first 15 years of his retirement. Now we relate further events including the loss of his beloved wife and his own decline and passing.

Loss of Agnès in 2003

Preben's wife Agnès Euphrasie Marie Florence Donnay (1925-2003) might best be described as a lovely continental gentlewoman.

Agnès was Catholic; her baptismal name was that of a virgin martyr, St. Agnès (ca. 291-304), who was from a noble Roman family. Her feast day, January 21, is near Agnès' own birth date, which is very likely why the name was chosen.

Although they were not blessed with children of their own, Preben and Agnès had a very happy marriage. Agnès' first language was French, but she learned Danish so she could better communicate with Preben's mother. The couple spent vacations with Preben's mother in Denmark and during the year they made frequent visits to Agnès' near relatives in the Liège area of Belgium. Also one of Agnès' nieces lived with Preben and Agnès weekdays from 1980 to 1985 while the niece attended professional school in Brussels. (Letter dated December 27, 2002.)

Agnès dressed well, set a beautiful table, and served nicely planned and prepared meals. She usually accompanied Preben on his numerous trips to Denmark, to the many events he attended (including the Old Nilfisk meetings), some of the work on the Douglas Bridges project, the 155th celebration of Grandfather Søren's birth, and Preben's his 60th high school reunion in Copenhagen in 2002. (Preben had graduated from Copenhagen's Østre Borgerdyd in June 1942.)

In 1995, the couple visited the Normandy beaches. Preben said, "We went the year after the 50th anniversary of D-day . . . and saw the interesting sights you will see there." Preben had been there earlier in 1950 when he was living in the boarding house in Brussels. He compared the two visits saying that the 1950 visit was "on a bus tour to Lisieux, St. Michel and the D-day beaches. And with whom? With an American Baptist missionary who stayed in Belgium for a year before going to Congo Belge and a Danish friend. At that time we saw many remains of the artificial harbor created by sinking boats and barges. In 1995 only a very few were still seen, but the setting and the museums are well worth seeing." (Letter dated 3-25-2001.)

The couple had their picture taken every year for a Christmas greeting to family and friends. Here is the photo from 1996:

Lovely as she was, Agnès was rather delicate physically, enduring a number of health problems over the years. In 2002, she suffered a traumatic injury to her leg from which she never fully recovered. (Letter dated 12-27-2002.) Agnès died in Brussels in November, 2003.

In a card Preben sent to family and friends after Agnès passed away, he wrote that their more than fifty years together had been a time of "immense bonheur" (great happiness).

After Agnès' death, Preben kept in close touch with Agnès ' family and with his memories of Agnès. He often spent important holidays with her relatives including Christmas, New Year's and birthdays. Preben wrote that in 2005 he and Agnès' family had commemorated Agnès' name day (the St. Agnès feast day in January) together in Liège. (Letter dated February 5, 2005.)

Preben chose to spend his 85th birthday (in May, 2008) alone with memorabilia of Agnès and cards from family and friends. (Letter dated December 20, 2008.) In 2009, however, he was honored with several birthday parties spread out over a week, one of which was with Agnès' brother and his wife. (Letter dated May 25, 2009.)

Aside from holidays, Preben spent considerable time with Agnès' relatives. He wrote in 2011 that he regularly visited Agnès' brother and his wife in the Liege area every third or fourth weekend, staying from Saturday at noon to Monday afternoon. Agnès' brother's wife was French and a great cook. Preben remarked, "By the way it is funny that in a small village from where they came [Agnès' brother)] married a French girl, and Agnès. a Dane." (Letter dated August 7, 2011.)

Later Old Nilfisk meetings

As depicted in our last post, the 2008 Old Nilfisk meeting was in Brussels. In 2009, Preben wrote that the 2009 meeting would be in Wien, Austria, June 12 to June 14. (Letter dated May 13, 2009.)

The 2010 Old Nilfisk meeting was from June 11 to June 13 in Denmark. It was at the "Hellerup Parkhotel a little to the north of Copenhagen. . . . One excursion was to Dyrehaven, a large deer park, where we drove around in small horse driven carriages. Even being a Dane it was the first time I ever experienced this, and my foreign friends really enjoyed it. Saturday night a formal dinner at the hotel." (Letter dated January 10, 2011.)  Here are Preben and friends in a carriage at Dyrehaven:

In 2011, Preben had some difficulty attending that year's Old Nilfisk meeting, which was in Narbonne in the south of France.  (This was due to the health problems described elsewhere in this post). But, as it turned out, he was indeed able to attend. Preben wrote:

 "(S)omebody suggested a thing I did not know and that was to go by direct train in 6 hours from Brussels to Norbonne . . . so I decided to participate. A Danish friend, Paul, brought me to the station in Brussels and a colleague organizing the meeting picked me up at the station in Narbonne. That is service to an old man! And what a meeting, perfect end of May, sun, good stories, French cuisine, interesting city and coast line on the Mediterranean. Really happy to have spent those four days in good company." 

       (Letter dated August 7, 2011.)

Other Networking

In 2009, Preben wrote, "Once a month either on a Wednesday at noon or on a Thursday at 19:30 I meet with a group of about 20 Danish gentlemen having or having had their occupation in Belgium: engineer, banker, NATO, the European commission, our Ambassador, our minister of religion, businessman. Not everybody after a long career here goes back to stay in Denmark. Between 7 and 14 are coming to the meals." (Letter dated May 13, 2009.)

In 2011, Preben wrote again about this group, mentioning that by then the group, which met "to share a meal and exchange ideas", also included engineers, a dentist, the cultural attaché, and the clergyman of the Danish church in Brussels. "Very interesting and a nice group." (Letter dated August 7, 2011.)

In addition to those lunches, and the Danish-Belgian chamber of commerce (of which for some period Preben had been president), Preben belonged to several organizations and clubs, including tennis and golf clubs (though he was no longer able to play), and an organization called Danes Worldwide (which he had joined in 1956).

In 2009, Preben related an amusing story about talking with a 98 year old man who invited Preben to sit with him at lunch at Preben's tennis club's restaurant:

"[H]e said he was born in . . . 1911 . . [.] He sure does not look like a man of that age and speaks as freely as everybody. Talking about work he told me he had been the coiffeur de la Reine Fabiola and that he had been touring the world in a military plane every time the King Baudouin and she went for official visits." (Letter dated July 9, 2009.)

New location for Danish Church in Belgium (2011)

Preben belonged to and supported the Danish Church in Brussels, which by 2011 needed a new building. Preben was involved in the effort to locate and acquire real estate for the project.

In August, 2011, Preben wrote:

"A lot of work has been and shall be done as the Danish protestant Church from October takes over a former Catholic church, which has also a building with rooms for about 25 monks. This part will be changed into apartment for the minister and his family with two young girls, about 10-12 years, rooms for the assistant, and many rooms to be rented to young students.

"It is in a very good position, close to everything and with excellent public transportation facilities. Paul, a building engineer being in Brussels because his wife works for the Danish Diary Organization, has helped and is still doing a lot on a voluntary basis; a precious help saving a lot of money, which by the way has to be collected among Danes in Belgium as the sale of the former vicarage will not furnish enough money to buy the new place."

        (Letter dated August 7, 2011.)

In October, 2011, Preben told more of the story:

"For years we have had Danish clergymen here, but for ceremonies they had to to rent a church in town or in the different provinces, as he covers all Belgium and Luxembourg and Danish military segments in Germany and Holland.

"They lived in a rather big house in the southern part of the city with rooms for a library, meeting rooms for au pairs, for scouts and even for small children. That means it was really a meeting place based on social contacts for Danes.

"Research had been done to construct a church, but finally the municipality decided to use the ground for other purposes, and I was so happy for that decision, as the place was out of town, with very little [transportation] possibilities, so few people would have gone there.

"Another possibility showed up a couple of years ago in a place in town, with excellent [transportation] facilities, it is even in my municipality. An important collect[ion] of funds continued. Among Danes here, and especially Danish Foundations in Denmark. But we have to wait for the sale of the clergyman's house.

"The solution is very unusual. A rather big Catholic church [had been] constructed in 1896, but in 1989 it was demolished and front part of the ground sold to two apartment buildings.

"A Catholic convent Peres Servites with a smaller church building and lodging for about 20 monks was constructed with a large garden. But, it was abandoned some years ago and made for sale.

"After long deliberations the Danish Church succeeded in buying the place, but even [though] it was not very old it really had to be renewed. Many volunteers have done a famous work to make it possible to prepare it for the inauguration last Sunday.

"So 'Our Lady's Church' was ready to receive the Danish Prince Joachim and the Belgian Princess Astrid and the many officials with the Danish bishop [Peter Skov Jakobsen] and several clergymen and -women. A large participation of Danes occupied the, about, 400 seats. Luckily the sun was shining so everybody could enjoy the garden after the ceremony."

(Letter dated October 30, 2011.)

As Preben explained, the newly acquired site had originally held a Gothic style church built in 1896 but that building had been demolished.  What remained were a smaller church and other buildings that belonged to a Roman Catholic religious order.  These were the buildings acquired by the Danish congregation to be used as a church for worship, living quarters for the clergy, rentals for students, and cultural activities.  The church itself is called Vor Frue Kirke (Church of Our Lady).

According to the church's website (as translated), "The purpose of the Danish Church in Brussels is to hold church services and carry out ecclesiastical and culturally related work on the basis of the Danish Evangelical Lutheran National Church."

The church was inaugurated on October 23, 2011. Below is a photo of the buildings including and Our Lady's Church (center with round window):

 

The cropped picture below (from the church's website) is of a statue of the Virgin Mary on the church's grounds:

 

Here is a photo of Per Melhof, the pastor of the church at that time, and Torben Toft, the president of the church council, welcoming Prince Joakim.

And, here are photos of Preben talking with Prince Joakim

 

 and Princess Astrid:

(Photos from letter received January 11, 2012 except for the cropped photo which is from the church's website.)

Visit to Borglum Kloster & article in Vendsyssel-Gildet periodical (2010, 2011)

Due to a chance encounter during a visit with some cousins to Borglum Kloster (Abbey) in 2010 (which is near the birthplace of Preben's grandfather Søren Christian Christensen and situated in what was in pre-reformation times the Ancient See of Borglum), Preben ended up writing an article for a North Jutland publication of Vendsyssel-Gildet.

About this chance encounter, Preben wrote:

"We went to a medieval event at Borglum Kloster (former monastery, now a manor). Tents all over showing the ancient crafts and a play taking place in the yard and the church. I went into a place where several books were [displayed] and all [of] a sudden a man stood beside me and asked if Vendsyssel (the 'top' of Denmark) interested me. I answered him with a very short clause in something sounding like the dialect from up there. I haven't used this since I was on summer holidays at grandfather's in the years 1930-1941. I continued my way but he stopped me and insisted on talking to me.

"Why? Because he represented an organization "Vendsyssel Gildet" trying to keep up their dialect. They edit once a year a pamphlet with articles written by persons having or having had close relations to Vendsyssel. From my explanations he considered I should be able to write a story about my relations with family up there. No hurry, the next edition is due in October 2011, but he really insisted so I will see what I can produce. Luckily not in the dialect but in standard Danish." 

      (Letter dated January 10, 2011.)

As it turned out, Preben did write the article. It was published in the Vendsyssel-Gildet periodical in October, 2011 (Issue number 27, pages 11-20.) According to the organization's website, its mission is to "promote interest in and knowledge of the dialect in Vendsyssel, among other things by holding meetings, events, and publishing dialect publications."

Preben opened the article by asking how a Copenhagener who had lived, worked, married (in 1954) and spoken French in Belgium since 1950 could have anything to say about Vendsyssel. Then he went on to set forth many memories of his visits there over the years and gave details about his grandfather Søren Christian Christensen (See Part IV of this series).

Last illness and death

In 1992, Preben's last year at Nilfisk before retirement, he was diagnosed and operated on for prostate cancer. All seemed well for quite a while but then in April 2005, he had exploratory surgery that determined the cancer has recurred. After that, he started receiving injections every three months. And, from 2009 onward the frequency was reduced to every six months.

By 2011, however, Preben had begun experiencing numbness in his left foot -- it "went to sleep" when he walked even short distances or stood up for some time in the same place. He wrote, "Luckily it is the left, which means I still can drive my old Citroen from 1990, as it is with automatic gearshift and I do not need the left leg." In March, 2011 he underwent a sonogram and then a bone scan which revealed a metastatic invasion of some bones in his back. In July, 2011 he began receiving monthly perfusions to address the problem. (Letter dated August 7, 2011; telephone conversation May 12, 2005.)

Preben remained active but in July, 2012 he began losing weight and feeling ill.  He had a scan where nothing significant was found but nevertheless at the end of July he was started on chemotherapy with Nizoral.  The result was he could not eat at all and lost more weight.  After three weeks, the physician stopped the Nizoral and three days later Preben started eating again.  He was hospitalized for two weeks in mid-September and released. (See October, 2012 photo of Preben just above.)

Agnès' brother and his wife then invited Preben for a stay in Liege so he could "gain weight with the nice meals of [the sister-in-law's] French cuisine." He gained about nine pounds and looked and felt much better. (Letter dated January 28, 2013.)

In May 2013, Preben celebrated his 90th birthday with friends from the Danish church. And, in late 2013, American relatives visited Preben in Brussels.  Preben went out to restaurants with them and appeared to be in good health.

But, in April or early May 2014, Preben once again became unable to eat and was hospitalized at Edith Cavell Medical Center in Brussels. On May 20. he was moved to a rest home, Les Jardins du Longchamp. (Emails dated May 12 and May 21, 2014.) There, Preben died at about 11 a.m. on May 22. The man Preben mentored was with Preben at the time. He said, "Preben was in peace, closed his eyes and simply fell asleep." (Email dated May 22, 2014.)

Funeral

Preben's funeral was held at Den Danske Kirke in Belgium on May 30, 2014, with Pastor Mogens Bering Rasmussen officiating. (Per Melhof, the pastor at the time of the inauguration of the new church building had gone on to a new assignment in June 2012.)

At the service, in addition to remarks by Pastor Rasmussen, those attending heard eulogies from one of Agnes' nieces, and from the man Preben had mentored for so many years.

Pastor Rasmussen's comments underscored how Preben was full of life until the very end -- the Pastor said that Preben had died "in mid-life" -- that is, engaged or immersed in life.

"Yes, he turned 91 on May 13, his body was old and weakened. But as recently as last week, he could say that he was not really done with life. Disease and defects, it was hell, It sounded bluntly. But clear-headed as he was to the end, he was in the middle of life."

The pastor also described Preben as a gentleman who "spoke a nice language with a touch from an older time in Østerbro, where he left in the late 1940s. And he never spoke ill of others." (Email from Pastor Rasmussen.)

The man Preben mentored, who had known Preben since 1969, referred to Preben's consistent "dignity", "courage", "strength", "lucidity", "patience" "knowledge", "precision", and "loyalty". --- all qualities I personally knew Preben to possess. This man also described Preben's humor saying that just a few days prior to Preben's death, after the doctors had told Preben there was nothing more they could do other than make him as comfortable as possible, Preben "in [his] own humor . . . counted: "9 8 7 6 5 . . . "

After the funeral, Preben was cremated at the Crematorium d'Uccle and his ashes dispersed at the Cemetery of Ixelles.

 …

To be concluded in Part VIII on May 13, 2023, the 100th anniversary of Preben's birth.